Jokes & Braai

Laugh. Light. Lekker.

Every Thursday: a handful of Bok jokes, three braai tips that survive any weather, and one recipe worth standing in the drizzle (or the sun) for. Written by fans, for fans. Not by SA Rugby, who have enough on their plate.

Fresh every Thursday

This week · 5 November 2026

Pasta puns in Turin, Eben’s boots to fill, and a Bonfire Night that is basically a damp braai

Rassie named a full-strength 23 on Monday for Saturday’s Nations Championship Test against Italy in Turin (kick-off 11:40 UK / 13:40 SA, on ITV in the UK and SuperSport in SA). Salmaan Moerat steps in at lock for the injured Eben Etzebeth, there are no debutants, and Manie Libbok is on the bench. The Boks and the All Blacks are level on 15 points at the top of the southern table, with the Boks ahead on points difference. Then it’s France in Paris on Friday 13 November, Ireland in Dublin on Saturday 21 November, and finals weekend at Twickenham. And it’s Bonfire Night tonight, so wrap up warm. Pull up a stool, the potjie’s on.

The jokes

Why did Rassie pick a full-strength side for Italy? He wants a clean pasta-port to the finals weekend. I know. I’m sorry. I’ll see myself out.
Salmaan Moerat is the only man in the starting XV who hasn’t played for the Boks this season, and he gets Eben’s jersey. That’s the rugby version of rocking up to the braai when the wors is already done and being handed the tongs. Fair? Argue it out on the Bok Barometer.
The Boks and the All Blacks are both on 15 points, and only points difference keeps us on top. The Kiwis are doing the sums on a napkin. We’re doing them on the back of a boerewors packet. Same maths, better snacks.
Happy Bonfire Night. Tonight half of Britain will stand in a damp field at 6°C, eating one slightly burnt sausage and calling it tradition. We do that every Saturday and call it “Saturday”. Well done, you’re nearly one of us.
Italy kick off at 11:40 on a Saturday morning. That’s a cold, dark house, a Bonfire Night hangover and a mate asking if it’s too early for wors. It’s never too early for wors. And a cardboard Bok mask doesn’t care if you’ve brushed your teeth. (Fancy one? Mense, we need this!! Register your interest at bokbfok.com/mense-we-need-this.)

Braai tips

Cold, dark and drizzly? Braai outside, never under cover.

A November braai is a head-torch job, so set up before it gets dark, put a light where you can see the grid and the food, and keep a clear space around the fire. Always braai outdoors in the open air, never in a garage, shed, tent, conservatory or under a closed-in awning, even if it’s pouring. Burning charcoal gives off carbon monoxide, which you can’t see or smell, and it can kill. If the weather beats you, finish the cooking in the oven or a pan instead. A windbreak or a spot sheltered from the wind helps the coals hold their heat, but keep it well away from the fire so nothing catches.

Cold air steals heat: trust a probe thermometer, not the clock.

In winter your food cooks slower than the recipe says, so don’t go by the clock or by colour alone. A cheap digital probe thermometer is the best braai gadget you can buy. Chicken, sausages, burgers and kebabs must be cooked all the way through: steaming hot in the middle, no pink meat and juices running clear. Aim for 75°C at the thickest part (or 70°C held for 2 minutes). Wipe the probe between checks, and use separate tongs and a separate plate for raw and cooked food, which is easy to muddle in the dark.

Hot coals stay hot for hours. Get rid of them properly.

Coals can stay hot enough to burn for many hours, even a day, after the party’s over, and a quiet-looking braai in the garden is a hazard for kids, pets and bin bags. Let the coals burn out and go completely cold, then tip the cold ash into a metal container, or wrap it well in foil, before it goes in the bin. Never tip hot coals into a plastic bin or a wheelie bin, and don’t pour water over a hot braai, because the steam and ash can burn. Put the lid on, or let the vents do their job, and leave it overnight.

Recipe of the weekLamb potjiekos (slow-cooked layered pot stew)A cast-iron pot, a few lit coals and an afternoon of doing absolutely nothing. Rich lamb, sweet butternut and soft potatoes, with the rule that nobody stirs.Get the recipe

Picked your Boks yet? The Bok Barometer is open. Want a Match-Day Mask if it happens? Join the waitlist (no payment taken). Lost on the slang? Slang 101, china. Planning the full spread? The ZA Menu: seven meats, one veg.

Chirp about this week’s jokes

Week of · 29 October 2026

Six new caps, four big names in the physio room, and Bonfire Night is just a braai with fireworks

Rassie named his 37-man squad on Wednesday for the Nations Championship tour: six uncapped players in, and Kolbe, Etzebeth, Pollard and Esterhuizen out injured. First up is Italy in Turin on Saturday 7 November (11:40 UK / 13:40 SA, on ITV in the UK and SuperSport in SA), then France in Paris, Ireland in Dublin on 21 November, and finals weekend at Twickenham. Plenty to chew on. Speaking of chewing…

The jokes

My doctor told me to eat more veg, so I went from a 7:1 split to a 6:2. The second veg is the onion on the boerewors roll. Coach calls it squad rotation.
Rassie named six uncapped players this week. In England that’s called “blooding the youngsters”. In a South African family WhatsApp group it’s called “that’s my cousin’s neighbour’s boy, I always said he’d make it”, followed by 47 flag emojis and a voice note from tannie.
No Kolbe, no Eben, no Pollard, no Esterhuizen. Any other country would call that an injury crisis. Rassie calls it squad depth, picks 37 okes and still has a spare loosie in the car boot. Who fills the gaps? Have your say on the Bok Barometer.
Bonfire Night is next Thursday. The English will stand round a big fire in the freezing cold, holding a burger they queued 40 minutes for, going “ooh”. Mates, that’s a braai. You’ve invented the braai and added explosions. We’ve been doing it for generations, with wors and no queue.
Italy v Boks kicks off at 11:40 UK on 7 November, so your English mates are invited round for “brunch”. They’ll find out brunch is three kinds of meat and ask where the avocado is. It’s in the guacamole. On the wors. That’s veg number two, bru. Squad rotation.

Braai tips

Fireworks season: light the coals, not the neighbourhood.

Bonfire Night and the weekends either side mean sparks, rockets and over-excited kids. Light your braai with a chimney starter or proper firelighters, never with petrol, paraffin or anything from the shed, and never squirt lighter fluid onto coals that are already lit. Set the braai on solid, level ground well away from fences, hedges, sheds and anywhere fireworks are being let off, keep a bucket of water or sand nearby, and keep children and pets back from the fire. The dog already hates November. Don’t give it another reason.

Brunch kick-off? Keep hot food hot and cold food cold.

An 11:40 kick-off means the braai is done before the anthems and the food sits around for 80 minutes of shouting. Keep cooked meat hot (63°C or above) in a covered dish in a low oven or at the edge of the coals, or cool it quickly and put it in the fridge. Salads, sauces and anything with mayo stay in the fridge (5°C or below) until they’re needed. Nothing cooked should sit out at room temperature for more than 2 hours in total, and if you reheat, make it steaming hot all the way through.

Clean the grid. Check for bristles.

Before the first braai of the cold season, heat the grid over the coals for a few minutes, then scrub it with a ball of scrunched-up foil held in your tongs, or a brass or bristle-free brush. Cheap wire brushes can shed tiny metal bristles that stick to the grid and end up in someone’s burger, so if you use one, check the grid closely before the food goes on and bin the brush once it starts to go bald. Finish with a wipe of oil on a folded paper towel, held in tongs, so the meat doesn’t stick.

Recipe of the weekBraaibroodjies (cheese, tomato and onion braai toasties)The toastie that ends every proper braai: buttery, crispy, oozing cheese and chutney, cooked on the last of the coals.Get the recipe

Chirps from that week

Week of · 22 October 2026

Clocks back, Italy named and a kick-off made for boerewors breakfasts

Italy named their squad this week for the Nations Championship, and the Boks are next up on their dance card: Turin, Saturday 7 November, 11:40 UK / 13:40 SA. Meanwhile the clocks go back this Sunday, Halloween lands on a Saturday, and the whole of Mzansi is waiting on Eben’s scans. Busy week, bru.

The jokes

From Sunday it’s dark by five. A British braai in November is basically a séance: a group of people standing round a glowing circle in the pitch black, whispering “is anyone there?” and waiting for a sign from the wors.
Boks v Italy kicks off at 11:40 UK / 13:40 SA on 7 November. So the biggest selection call that weekend isn’t the bench split, it’s whether boerewors counts as breakfast. (It does. It comes with onions. Onions are a vegetable. Next question.)
Halloween is on Saturday the 31st. Every kid on the street will turn up as a vampire or a witch. Be the house that opens the door in a springbok mask, holding braai tongs. Nothing scares an English neighbour like a South African who’s “just popping the fire on” at 9pm.
Eben’s waiting on scans for a lower-leg niggle and the whole country is holding its breath. Get well soon, big man. The rest of us will be on the Bok Barometer debating who could possibly fill that gap, which is like asking who’s going to stand in for Table Mountain.
The Nations Championship finals are at Twickenham at the end of November, and English mates keep calling it “the home of rugby”. Lekker. You bring the umbrellas, we’ll bring the braai, and the trophy can decide whose home it is.

Braai tips

Clocks back? Light up earlier, not later.

Once the clocks go back on Sunday 25 October you lose your evening light by about five. Work backwards: coals need 30 to 40 minutes in the cold, food needs 20 to 30, so get the chimney starter going by about half three if you want to see what you’re cooking. Put a head torch in the braai box, and trust a probe thermometer, not the colour of the meat under a security light. Gloom makes raw chicken look brown and done chicken look raw.

Marinade is for meat, not for dipping.

Marinate in the fridge, in a covered bowl or a zip bag, never on the kitchen worktop for the afternoon. Before the raw meat goes in, set aside some marinade in a separate jug for basting or a sauce. Leftover marinade that has touched raw meat must not be brushed on cooked food or served unless you boil it hard for a few minutes first. And soak wooden skewers in water for 30 minutes so they char rather than catch fire.

The braai isn’t out just because the party is.

Charcoal ash can stay hot enough to start a fire for a day or more. Never tip it into a plastic wheelie bin, a compost heap or a bin bag the same night. Close the lid and vents to starve it of air, or douse it thoroughly with water, then leave it to go cold (give it a good 24 to 48 hours) before binning it in a metal container. Keep the braai well away from fences, sheds and anyone’s new cardboard Match-Day Mask.

Recipe of the weekLamb and apricot sosatiesCape Malay-style curried lamb skewers with dried apricots and onion: sweet, tangy, sticky and gone in minutes.Get the recipe

Chirps from that week

Week of · 15 October 2026

Phone-a-ref, eleven Wallabies and the clocks going back

Nearly three weeks since that madness in Perth, the Boks reassemble at the end of October, and Italy in Turin on 7 November is the first stop of the Northern Series. Plenty of time to recover. Not enough time to stop talking about it.

The jokes

The comms died in Perth, so the ref had to ring the TMO on his mobile. Most South African thing that happened all night. Next Test he’ll just send a four-minute voice note that starts “Ja, no, so listen hey…”
The Wallabies finished with 11 men and still hung on. Eleven! At that point it’s not a rugby team, it’s a five-a-side squad with a grudge and a very good kicker.
Siya’s closing in on his 100th Test cap. A century, English mates. You’ll know the word from cricket, where it’s usually something that happens to your bowlers.
The clocks go back on Sunday 25 October. Britain finally hands us a free extra hour, and every South African in the country will spend it next to a braai in the drizzle, saying “nearly ready, nearly ready.”
The pundits reckon the back-up hooker spot is still wide open. No stress, Rassie: the Bok Barometer is wide open too, and the fans have opinions. Loud ones. Mostly after the second dop.

Braai tips

Rain? Braai under the sky, not under a roof.

Never braai in a garage, shed, tent, porch or a gazebo with the sides down, and never carry a smouldering braai indoors to “finish off”. Burning charcoal gives off carbon monoxide, which you can’t see or smell, and it keeps doing it after the flames die. Hold the umbrella over yourself, not over the fire, keep a bucket of water handy, and keep anything cardboard (including your Match-Day Mask) well away from the coals. Cardboard and fire are not chommies.

October gloom lies. The thermometer doesn’t.

By half five it’s dark and every wors looks done. Use a cheap probe thermometer instead: sausages, burgers and chicken need 75°C in the thickest part (or 70°C held for 2 minutes), with no pink and clear juices. Use one set of tongs and one plate for raw meat and a clean set for cooked, and wash your hands after handling raw meat. Your guests’ stomachs will thank you more quietly than they should.

Cold coals need patience, boet.

In a cold autumn wind, charcoal takes 30 to 40 minutes in a chimney starter to be ready. Ready means covered in grey ash with no flames, not “it’s been ages”. Then do the hand test: hold your palm at grid height and count. Two or three seconds is hot (chops, steak), four or five is medium (wors, sosaties), six or seven is low (veg, bread). Store your charcoal in a sealed bin, because damp charcoal spits, smokes and sulks.

Recipe of the weekBoerewors rolls with quick chakalakaThe national match-day meal. A coil of wors, a soft roll and a spicy relish that tastes like Saturday.Get the recipe

Chirps from that week

The ZA Menu Seven meats, one veg. The classic braai split, with supermarket swaps for wherever you live. See the line-up

Jokes are affectionate banter, written by us unless credited. Got a better one? Tell us, boet. Food-safety temperatures follow UK Food Standards Agency guidance.

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